marg herder - creative works

About me

Focus

My present experience is centered around what I know of Spirit. My creations are attempts to elucidate what I know of Her.

I can't understand Her, I can't understand how Her Breath animates what would otherwise be our fleshy but mechanical dance. I have no illusions that I am equipped to comprehend the basis of All that Is. I can only say through my work, "This feels like a part of Her."

I have my own ideas about Her. Nothing certain, because certainty is the quickest way to close your mind to the truth. The closest I come to surity is in how strongly I FEEL that She seeks to ease the way of love, peace, and tenderness.

I have little patience with belief systems that are mired in the assumption we are fundamentally evil, or that require an "elect." No person's spirituality makes them more important or more worthy or more correct than another. Don't even get me started about belief systems that assign more importance to performing some magical invocation than living a tender peaceful loving life.

I like to think that She in Her Grace is actually All of Creation in the Act of Creating Herself.

When I fully open myself to the constant motion of Her Creation, I create truthfully.

Story

I've bought into a story about myself. I'll share it with you. However, I try to remember that I am not this story, and it does not wholly define me.

I was born in 1961 in Lafayette, Indiana to Margaret and John Herder. I have one sibling, a brother, John, two years younger. Except for one year in Chicago I have lived on the northside of Indianapolis all my life.

I grew up very active in a Protestant church. I was groomed to be a church musician. This was the matriachal tradition in my family. When I was young, the church was the only place I felt I belonged.

I became aware of my Lesbianism in my teens. At the time (the late seventies), Lesbians were viewed as little better than pedophiles. As a matter of fact, the first thing the church did after finding out I was gay was forbid me to work with the children, something I had been doing all my life.

In the end, it was easier for me to walk away from the church, from all I thought I would be, than it was to walk away from the truth of my gender identity and sexual orientation.

And life went on.

I explored musical expression in a secular context, playing in an all female rock and roll band, Software. I worked a lot. I went to school for a while at a local college, Religious Studies as my major. I enjoyed my friends and worked hard. I was grateful that, unlike most of my Lesbian friends, my family never shut me out.

Basically, for the next 15 years, I did what I could to keep myself from feeling.

The societal view of Lesbianism led me to internalize a lot of self-loathing and despair. I put a lot of effort into trying escape these feelings, using drugs and alcohol, working a lot, generally doing my best to just skim the surface of life.

In 1992 I quit drinking. In 1996 I started taking better care of my body. As time passed and my escape mechanisms broke down, I realized that I needed to address my loss, and find my way back to Spirit.

I've worked hard to look honestly at my experience and my presence here. I want to learn to savor every moment of my life. I want to learn to devote myself more fully to a peaceful and loving existence.

I treasure my life with my partner, Lisa DeWeese. I am content when we are home together.

I move toward Spirit when I am in my studio creating music, participating in ritual with trusted friends, or off in the woods backpacking.

Marg Herder

Mentionables

1979 Composed and produced a Christian rock opera, Morning Light, which was performed at several churches throughout Indiana. The show involved a cast and crew of over 50 high school kids.

1980 - 1986 Performed with the all original - all female rock band, Software. I played keyboards and guitars, sang lead vocals and composed much of the material. Other notable Software members include Kara Barnard and Susan Colin.

1997 Released my first solo CD project, alone..., under the artist name of 3rd margaret. I composed each track, played the instruments and sang every note. I engineered and mixed the CD. Each physical copy of the 11 song disc was created and assembled by hand. One track, I Am the Fire, had the singular distinction of being on both Pagan and Christian playlists and charts simultaineously on mp3.com.

1997 - 2002 Was integrally involved with presenting the Spirituality Series of the National Women's Music Festival. The series brought many notable women of spirit to the festival including Jade River, Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, Phyllis Currot and Ruth Barrett.

2000 - 2005 Engineered release CDs for The Indianapolis Women's Chorus (To Sing is to Fly and Cradle of Fire), The Grand Rapids Women's Chorus (Where I Live), The Indianapolis Men's Chorus (Making the Season Bright), and Kara Barnard (Fret Hopping in Brown County). Also engineered live shows and recordings for a variety of groups and individuals. For more info check out the website of my music and audio engineering business, Softsound.

2000 - Now Created websites and managed the web presence for a variety of artists, musicians, not for profit organizations and businesses. For more about my web design work, please visit the CircleWebWorks website.

2002 Worked as the Musical Director for the initial Indianapolis presentation of Julie Forrest Middleton's Winter Solstice Singing Ritual. I wrote short musical transition pieces to back some of the speaking parts and provide starting notes for the songs. These parts are available for download in the music area of this website.

2005 Began crafting choral arrangements performed by the Indianapolis Women's Chorus.

2008 Participated in the planning and presentation of EEWC's biennial gathering, A Place at the Table.

I'm trying to get away from thinking that achievement is important. I list all this here because I feel like it's expected. For a long time I acted as if my life should be oriented toward the goal of adding things to some imaginary resume. I actually think this can lead one away from Spirit. For me Spirit is most evident when I am in stillness, not working to achieve.